Self-Assessment

I’ve been putting off writing new entries in the hopes of having my new site done by the next update, but naturally didn’t get around to finishing it due to time constraints and various other projects. The logs seem to indicate that people are still checking up on this site, so I must apologize to those readers for the extended hiatus. Here is my feeble attempt at rectifying the situation.

As I have become increasingly occupied and as various tasks have increasingly demanded my attention, I’ve turned to a rather rigid form of time management. My days are partitioned into 30-minute chunks, every one of which I strive to fill with meaningful activity. I’ve been diligent in accounting for every 30-minute block and updating my schedule every few hours, for the fear of missing an appointment or of wiling away precious hours. For the first two months, the Schedule worked great. I was working at about 80 – 90% efficiency. In recent days however, I’ve been feeling my productivity wane even as my schedule remains filled, albeit with less productive activities. The activation energy of a new task has reached a point such that incredible willpower has to be exerted to begin it. Perhaps I’m burning out? Let’s hope not; next quarter will be even busier, and I may be compelled to partition my days into 15-minute chunks.

I’ve thought in the past that anything is possible if one works hard enough. One can juggle as many balls as one wishes if one were to toss them high enough. Christianity has taught me differently, and yet, I do feel that I have been given a gift not only to be able to pick up abilities quickly, but to enjoy learning new things, molding me into a “Jack of all trades but master of none.” It is the nurture and enjoyment of these abilities which give me reprieve from the stresses that accompany being a student, an instructor, an employee, a friend, a servant; yet at the same time, they compete for the very same resources.

Perhaps I have to re-evaluate my own capabilities and possibly scale down my commitments, which I am loathe to do, partly because I’m not one to say “No.” I want to be remembered as someone who was reliable, who could solve problems, who made significant contributions to society (or whatever small spheres of influence I had), who set an example of diligence and of competence. But certainly this attitude needs readjustment. The focus needs to be on God. The motivation should not be my own glory, but that God’s glory would be seen in my service, love, and work. We’re all battling a deceitful and selfish heart. May God have mercy.