Reading Articles (Grad Student Humor)

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“It has long been known” I didn’t look up the original reference.
“A definite trend is evident” The data are practically meaningless.
“While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to the questions” An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope to get it published.
“Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study” The other results didn’t make any sense.
“Typical results are shown” This is the prettiest graph.
“These results will be in a subsequent report” I might get around to this sometime, if published/funded.
“A careful analysis of obtained data” Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of beer.
“After additional study by my colleagues” They didn’t understand it, either.
“Thanks are due to Joe Blotz for assistance with the experiment and to Cindy Adams for valuable discussions” Mr. Blotz did all the work and Ms. Adams explained to me what it meant.
“A highly significant area for exploratory study” A totally useless topic selected by my committee.
“In my experience” Once
“In case after case” Twice
“In a series of cases” Three times
“It is believed that” I think.
“It is generally believed that” A couple of others think so, too.
“Correct within an order of magnitude” Wrong.
“According to statistical analysis” Rumor has it.
“It is clear that much additional work will be required before a complete understanding of this phenomenon occurs” I don’t understand.
“A statistically-oriented projection of the significance of these findings” A wild guess.
“It is hoped that this study will stimulate further investigations in this field” I quit.