Fundamental Differences Between Men and Women

Nicknames

If Laura, Suzanne, Kate & Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Kate & Sarah.

If Mike, Charlie, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy (Sometimes they refer to someone as the “New Guy”).

Eating Out

When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

Money

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

Bathrooms

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S.

The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

Arguments

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Cats

Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats.

Future

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

Success

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Marriage

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change and she does.

Dressing Up

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

Natural

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

Offspring

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Thought for the Day

Any married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Communication

What a woman says:
C’mon…This place is a mess. You and I need to clean. Your pants are on the floor and you’ll have no clothes if we don’t do the laundry now.

What a man hears:
C’MON … blah, blah, blah YOU AND I blah, blah, blah, blah, blah ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, NOW.